you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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