I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
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Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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