i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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