What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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