If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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