I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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