Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
