:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
