You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
