And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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