It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
