I'm laying in your front yard are you home
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sext me about skeletons
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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