I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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