Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
