i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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