i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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