Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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