$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
