One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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