I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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