We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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