If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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