That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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