They should really pass out barf bags in church
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
