We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
