Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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