They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
