I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
