dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
