Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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