girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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