I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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