I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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