They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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