captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
