I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
