Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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