If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
