I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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