If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
