Me too!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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