Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
