just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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