think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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