i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
