I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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