I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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