Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dick very happy bro
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
