she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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