I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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