So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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