he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
