When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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