R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
