I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
