This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
