i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
