Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
