I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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